We all know it takes time to establish complete mutual trust between a couple…
But can we really establish complete trust? More specifically, can somebody who has been deeply burned by a previous significant other learn to trust again? I’m not talking about simple trust; such as trusting that the ‘new significant other’ is a decent person, that (s)he is not a malicious person, or that intentions are good/pure. I’m talking about a deeper trust; the fairly tale trust that I’m sure we have all believe in at one time or another.
Allow me to elaborate.
You hooked up with that special somebody at an early age. (S)he was your first real experience with that deep emotional connection you can share with somebody. In so many words, you were inexperienced but at the same time, pure. Didn’t care about the rules or the games; this was your first true experience with a relationship and for all you knew, it was love. For the sake of the question, the relationship lasted a while and as expected you not only shared a lot of emotional connection but physical as well. Because it was your first real experience, you opened yourself up completely to that person. No emotional or physical barriers and all in all. You established that deeper trust… complete trust.
But, unfortunately, it came to an end. And not a peaceful ending (is there such a thing after this sort of relationship?) at that. The other person broke your heart leaving you crumbled and alone. But as is life, you moved on and set new rules for yourself. You build new barriers and protective walls and convince yourself that you will not allow yourself to get hurt like that again by simply not ever trusting or opening your heart and soul up to somebody like you once did. You’ve convinced yourself that the fairy tale like feelings you’ve once felt are not real.
But alas, here comes a new somebody knocking on your door. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed since your devastating experience, because s(he) is right there in front of you. Worst of all, (s)he is a really awesome person! (S)he is sincere, caring, honest and genuinely and seemingly a good catch. But seemingly there is the key word…
Everything feels right but your barriers are still there. Everything is going right but your protective walls are still there. You are genuinely interested in this person but you’re determined to protect yourself more closely this time. In other words, you’re not only avoiding the ‘mistakes’ you made before but you’re completely avoiding them by not allowing yourself to fully open up. Not allowing yourself to trust as you once did before. After all, if it happened before it can certainly happen again!
But can you learn to fully trust a significant other once again? Is time the only prescription that can heal your heart aches? Can time break down the walls, barriers and fears? Can one just accept the fact that they could get hurt in the process of loving and to not only accept that risk but embrace it? Can we not only learn from the past but forgive as well. Can we take that long jump and hope that our special somebody will catch us… and if that doesn’t work, we’ll fly.
I’d like to think so…
