Ken Cauley.com

Question of the Day: Can I Get My Life Back on Track?

Posted on July 6th, 2008 by kencauley.
Categories: Question of the Day.

As earlier mentioned, the past 1 1/2 years have been a lot of personal growth as well as destruction. Prior to this time frame, I think I was more in control of my day to day life. I was more focused and on track for personal and business goals. At that time, my life was less balanced between personal and business. I would invest nearly every waking hour on the computer performing some sort of business task.

The transition started when I got a girlfriend. She demanded more of my time and, quite frankly, I was more than willing to give it to her. Once we got more settled into our relationship, she would be upset with me if I was investing too much time with work and not with her. As the months rolled by, my job started to evolve into a 9am-6pm job. Even at that, I would often push the limits which would result in making her upset with me more often than I would like. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ripping on her… I simply wasn’t delivering to her the time that she needed. Basically, over the months I was reducing my hours invested in work and my old life. It was a good time though. I really enjoyed that personal experience and getting really close to somebody and sharing my life with somebody. I wouldn’t trade any of those days/months for anything. But it didn’t come without consequence.

Once I became single again, I felt lost and out of place. Besides the extreme sorrow, loneliness, and mild depression, I didn’t know how to spend my time in the same way that I used to before a relationship. I told myself that I would get through the days by simply burying myself in my work and forget about everything else. But I couldn’t do it. I would wake up late and find myself cutting my work day short. Rarely did I put in more than 6-8 hours a day. Even at that, I would find distractions during that time. Eat, clean, run errands, gym, zone out and other forms of procrastination. Sometimes I would stop working simply because I was so overtaken by the negative emotions listed above.

I’ve spent a fair amount of time (and still do to some extent) just having internal conversations with myself to get past my struggles and concerns. Getting back in control of my life and emotions. Though, of course, applying lessons and values that I’ve learned through a strong relationship. I’m not there yet but I’m finally making progress. So, can I remember who I am? Do I want to go back to being who I was or evolve to somebody completely different? I want to invest more time into my work and keep a stronger focus at goals and benchmarks. Yet if I find somebody new, it is unlikely that they will want to end up with a workaholic. Do I want to become a workaholic or just a hard worker? Either way, I finally feel that I’m STARTING to get my life back on track but there is still much work to do.

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